Con Report: Scares that Care 2017

Posted in Uncategorized with tags on July 25, 2017 by dwbarbee

Nine damn hours I drove through the backwoods of Georgia and the Carolinas. Nine hours of ass-numbing, leg-cramping, dipshit-driver-dodging sojourning to get to SCARES THAT CARE 2017. The time behind the wheel might have been rough, but the trip was worth it. I saw a lot of great friends and the con itself is thrown for a good cause: kicking cancer’s ass.

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After checking into my hotel and getting a much-needed shower, I traveled to the convention and started wandering around. There was a ton of horror paraphernalia, creepy knickknacks, writers slinging books, and folks wearing crazy costumes. I didn’t get pictures of any of this stuff, I was so busy gawking at it with my actual eyes. Eventually I ran into the Grindhouse Press crew (CV Hunt, Anderson Prunty, and John Wayne Comunale). I wandered around some more with John Wayne for most of that evening and he was good enough to capture a selfie of us. I had half a beer and then watched Adam Cesare read a story that made me want to commit murders. With beer and homicide flowing through my veins, I stepped out and eventually drove back to my hotel to get some rest.

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Then came Saturday, where things got so crazy that I’m just going to start name-dropping people now: Scott Cole, Wile E. Young, Frank Edler, Matt Serrafini, Eric Hendrixson, Amber Fallon, and John F’n Skipp was kind enough to introduce me to JOE LANSDALE, a personal hero of mine. I actually was able to give Mr. Lansdale a signed copy of A Town Called Suckhole, my redneck detective thriller. I even managed to tell him that I’m the Sebastian Haff to his Elvis Presley, which I bet a ton of young men have said to him over the years. Mr. Lansdale is a seriously nice man and, to me, at least, an example to all creative people. We only spoke for a moment, but it was great. He’s got a great reading voice, also. I did a reading that evening with Christian Jenson (who was grotesque and wonderful) and Wrath James White (also a very nice man with a fantastic reading voice). I listened in on a recording of Brian Keene’s The Horror Show, where he received a golden statue of appreciation from several people he’s mentored over the years. It was a touching moment. I wouldn’t say Keene has mentored me necessarily (I don’t live in his basement… yet), but he’s been a huge supporter of mine. He dropped my name on his podcast, introduced me at my reading (describing it as an atomic bomb!), and we made plans for me to appear on the Horror Show at the Ghost Town Writers Retreat. Brian Keene was also in charge of managing the convention itself, so it’s basically a goddamn superhero and another towering figure to look up to.

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Now I want to mention the hotel we stayed at. It was run by nice people, they did not disturb my room, and I never got mugged. I will say, however, that it was an old hotel that reminded me of my one and only trip to Panama City Beach as a teenager, urged on by an acquaintance like it was a rite of passage. Panama City Beach sucked, the hotel room we had sucked, and I got sick on that trip without touching an ounce of beer. Anyway, this story is way better. On Saturday night, hanging out with the Grindhouse crew again (they were staying at the same hotel, and were basically the first and last people I saw at the con), I managed to destroy this hotel. We were drinking and smoking out near the benches when I sat down and leaned back against a post… which moved. Sitting on my ass, I expected the roof to cave in on me since I’d just knocked a post off balance. But it didn’t. Instead I made my friends nearly die laughing, which is what I like to call the David Barbee Experience. Unwittingly, I had discovered the utter uselessness of this post. It held nothing up, and was merely wedged between the concrete sidewalk and the awning above. It had a drain pipe attached to it that did not hook up to a gutter. This post was meaningless, and I had revealed its stupidity to the world.

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The next morning I packed up and exited my room to see CV, Anderson, and John Wayne out by the stupid post again. We hung out a minute, said some goodbyes, and then I started my nine hour drive back home to Georgia. Scares that Care ruled. Next up is Ghost Town in Colorado, which I will fly to like a civilized person, and then Cartersville Comic Con, which will only be an hour or so away from home. After that, who knows where my quest to discover useless things and destroy them will take me?

Wonderland Preliminary Ballot 2016

Posted in Uncategorized with tags on June 19, 2017 by dwbarbee

Voting for the 2016 Wonderland Award has opened up, and this year I have a novel on the list. I can’t tell you who to vote for, but since I always add an image to my blog posts, I’ll leave this here:

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Here are the all the awesome books to choose from. It’s gonna be competitive this year. Send your 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place votes in the Novel and Collection categories to bizarrocon@gmail.com with the subject line “Wonderland Book Award Preliminary Ballot.” Preliminary voting ends July 31st.

NOVELS

Aunt Poster by John Wayne Communale
Automated Daydreaming by William Pauley III
Bacon Fried Bastard by David Barbee
Bastard Virtues by Daulton Dickey
Bonespin Slipspace by Leo X. Robertson
Building Heaven by Andrew Osborne
Charge Land by John Wayne Communale
Death Gets A Book by Frank Edler
Dope Tits by Bix Skahill
Drunk Driving Champion by Eric Hendrixson
Every Time We Meet at the Dairy Queen Your Whole Fucking Face Explodes by Carlton Mellick III
Exquisite Corpse Orgy by Kevin Sweeney
Governor of the Homeless by G. Arthur Brown
Great White House 2: Billary Bites Back by Christoph Paul & Arthur Graham
Guitar Wolf by Nicholaus Patnaude
Hate from the Sky by Sean M. Thompson
I Miss the World by Violet LeVoit
I Will Rot Without You by Danger Slater
Joy by Russell Holbrook
Kaiju Canyon by Shane Cartledge
Long-Form Religious Porn by Laura Lee Bahr
Mother Fucking Black Skull Death by Matthew Vaughn
Not Safe For Kids by Kevin Shamel and Jim Agpalza
Puppet Skin by Danger Slater
Pussy Transmission by Wol-vriey
Rattled by the Rush by Chris Kelso
Satan’s Little Helper by Kevin Sweeney
Shit Luck by Tiffany Scandal
Starr Creek by Nathan Carson
Static/Oregone by Jamie Grefe
The Hottest Gay Man Ever Killed in a Shark Attack by Douglas Hackle
The Mortuary Monster by Andrew James Stone
The Nightly Disease by Max Booth III
The Terrible Thing That Happens by Carlton Mellick III
Tetraminion by R.A. Roth
The Ugly by Alexander Boldizar
We Did Everything Wrong by CV Hunt
World Revolver by Gina Ranalli

COLLECTIONS

A Collapse of Horses by Brian Evenson
All the Toxic Waste from My Heart by Kevin Strange
Berzerkoids by MP Johnson
Cartoons in the Suicide Forest by Leza Cantoral
Death Confetti by Jennifer Robin
Ecstatic Inferno by Autumn Christian
Minivan Poems by Justin Grimbol
Turdmummy by Zoltan Komor
Very True Stories Starring Jeff O’Brien by Jeff O’Brien

Bacon Fried Bastard @ Splatterpunk Zine

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , on June 12, 2017 by dwbarbee

The great folks at Splatterpunk Zine were kind enough to give Bacon Fried Bastard a review. I love reviews!

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Here’s some of the praise they had for BFB: “David W. Barbee is a bizarro force to be reckoned with, and if you haven’t read him yet you should really do yourself a favor and buy BACON FRIED BASTARDS; then buy all his other books, and send me a thank you note after you’ve witnessed how great of a writer he is. With BACON FRIED BASTARDS, Barbee is on top form. This book is so damn fun and the ending was about as perfect as it could be. Get it now, pour yourself ten drinks, and enjoy the drunken ride.”

Gigantic thanks to Sam Richard for this review. I met Sam last year at BizarroCon and he was cool as hell. You can put your own review of Bacon Fried Bastard HERE, and maybe buy a copy while you’re at it.

Out Now: Fossil Lake IV: Sharkasaurus

Posted in Uncategorized on May 3, 2017 by dwbarbee

Look what just dropped! I’ve got a story in here called “My Body Lies Over Sharkzilla.” It’s about a ghost surfer haunting a monster shark’s guts. Get a copy at Amazon.

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It’s never been safe to go back in the water.

From the darkest depths of the deepest oceans … from the planet’s most primeval and primordial past … throughout all of history and around the world …

Toothy, chompy monsters want to eat you.

We’re talking apex predators here. We’re talking aquatic horrors and ancient nightmares. Lake myths and lost worlds. Time travel! Science! Violent confrontations and unholy combinations! Magic and mystery, mutation and meddling!

We’re talking thirty-seven weird works of fiction and poetry. We’ve got sharks. We’ve got dinosaurs.

We’ve got …

SHARKASAURUS!!!

Con Report: Savannah Mega Comic Con

Posted in Uncategorized on April 27, 2017 by dwbarbee

Last weekend I drove down south to Savannah Mega Comic Con. It was great! I sold a ton of books and got to talk with fellow geeks for an afternoon. When I first arrived I had a wait to get my table since the con was packed with vendors. The volunteers were very helpful, though, and were doing their best. The venue was the National Guard Armory which had to be an old high school gymnasium before that. The place was old as hell and didn’t have air conditioning. It wasn’t so bad, but all those Slipknot clowns and zombies and cosplayers wearing layers must have been dying. Deadpool for certain was sweating his nuts off.

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My the middle of the afternoon the heat was starting to get to me, along with my lack of coffee. I started feeling bad, so I told myself I’d leave after selling one more book. I wound up selling four books, so I packed up and headed home. During my three-hour drive back to central Georgia, I started actually falling asleep at the wheel, which was scary as hell. I pulled over and got some coffee, which immediately made me feel better. Plus the minor delay allowed me to follow this the rest of the way home.

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Overall the con was great, and if they’re doing it again next year I’ll probably return. They gave out free pizza, so they must be on God’s side.

Bacon Fried Bastard celebrates CINCO DE MAYO

Posted in Uncategorized on April 25, 2017 by dwbarbee

To celebrate the Drunk Holidays this year, I’ve been holding contests for Bacon Fried Bastard, my drunk book. I ran a raffle for Christmas, and now for Cinco de Mayo I’m giving away FREE STUFF.

I’m asking readers for FIVE new reviews on Bacon Fried Bastard’s Amazon page by Cinco de Mayo. That’s ten days away. If we meet this goal, those five (or more!) reviewers are guaran-damn-teed to win FREE STUFF. The last contest I ran only got you a chance to win stuff. Now I’ve gone crazy and I’m just givin’ it away.

WHAT DO YOU DO? Write a review on Amazon and contact me with your preferred mailing address (I can be reached on facebook, twitter, or at this here email address: barbee478 AT yahoo DOT com). If you’ve already purchased and/or read the book, you’re ahead of the game!

WHAT DO YOU GET? Comic books! Trading cards! Horror movies! But that’s not all! The cherry on top will be super special signed-and-numbered BOOKPLATES featuring the art of my dude Jim Agpalza. So you get awesome swag and your copy of BFB will get a super rare personalized upgrade.

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All of this, mailed to your door, free of charge. All you have to do is review Bacon Fried Bastard at some point between this moment right here and Cinco de Mayo. Reviews matter, so get out there and earn that hangover.

Listen to me @ Get Lit With Leza

Posted in Uncategorized on April 18, 2017 by dwbarbee

Recently I had the pleasure of talking to fellow weirdo Leza Cantoral on her podcast. We talked about writing, life, serial killers, Disney, and I read the first chapter of Bacon Fried Bastard. Head over there and take a listen. Leza’s show has a casual atmosphere where we basically chatted for a few hours with a portion of it going into the podcast. We had a lot of fun. Check out Leza’s other episodes (as well as her books)! She’s alluring as hell and this picture should prove it.

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