Snufftoons, ch. 3

This chapter’s a little short, but very important.  More to come tomorrow.  And remember, as always, that more alien invader bizarrocity can be found here:


They were hiding behind a pair of ballroom-dancing elephants, filming the little green man’s every move.  There were two of them, short cartoons shaped like human men.  One was dressed in a white sailor suit and the other wore leather-clad biker gear.  They were GI Johns.

GI Johns were known across the planet as the henchmen of cartoon media.  They wielded their cameras to capture the most violent and insane antics the toon city had to offer.  Their work kept the anvil-shaped planet spinning, for entertainment was the toons’ prime obsession in life.

The pair of GI Johns carried boxy cartoon cameras on their shoulders.  The cameras had blinking blue eyes that doubled as long telescoping lenses.  They watched the invader disappear into an alleyway, recording every second.

When the little green alien was gone, the GI Johns hurried away through the city, dodging around the crowds of cartoon citizens.  Typical of cartoons, the GI Johns ran several blocks in just a few seconds.  They approached a large toon building, whose roof was crawling with toon satellite dishes, each one shouting and blabbing into the sky with giant round mouths.

The GI Johns entered the building and hurried through curvy hallways, eventually coming to a giant sound stage.

On one side of the room was a large stage in front of a deep red curtain.  A desk sat on the stage, along with several pieces of toon furniture.  Above the stage hung a glowing sign saying “the Clint Cobblestone Show.”  The other side of the sound stage held the live cartoon audience, laughing and literally bouncing around in their seats.

The GI Johns hurried behind the curtain, coming to a large cartoon caveman sitting in a stage chair and reading a script.  The caveman wore a suit of shaggy brown fur, and had a dark swarthy complexion.  He looked up at the GI Johns with disdain as they approached him.

“Either you brought me something show-worthy or you’re going into the gladiator pit with the wacky squids,” said Clint Cobblestone.

As the biggest celebrity on the planet, Cobblestone’s show was the linchpin of the cartoon media.  He’d built his empire on hilarious entertainment, and the toon masses trusted him to present only the best spectacles of violence.  Some even thought he was more powerful than the Mayor. 

The GI Johns said nothing to their boss.  They handed the cartoon caveman one of their cameras, and Cobblestone peeked through the camera’s lens-eyes to watch a few seconds of footage.

He saw the strange green alien killing Ranger Rabbit, one of the Mayor’s top sheriffs.  Cobblestone looked up and smiled.

With just a glance, he’d seen his next big star.


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