Snufftoons, ch 15

The mushroom cloud rose into the sky, and the nuclear blast spread across the cartoon city.  The anvil planet shook and wobbled with the impact.  The too citizens watched it all on their TVs, laughing and cheering all the way.  The alien invasion had been the greatest entertainment event in the planet’s history.

In his office, Clint Cobblestone sat behind his desk and rubbed his large hairy hands together.  His production of the alien invasion had driven the entire planet wild.  And best of all, the Mayor was now dead.  With the show’s ratings soaring into the next galaxy, Cobblestone was now the most powerful toon in the world.

There was a knock at the door.  Cobblestone smiled.  It was probably one of his toon satellites with the latest ratings report.  Cobblestone propped his feet up on his desk and said, “Come in!”

The door opened and Goony the dog strolled in.  Two toon dog henchmen followed, the blue dog with the shotgun and a large shaggy dog carrying a fat baseball bat.  “Mr. Goony!” said Clint Cobblestone, quickly rising from his desk.  He didn’t expect the city’s power-players to start pandering to him so soon.  “What can I do for one of my most valuable citizens?”

Goony smiled with sharp canines.  “I ain’t one of your citizens,” he said.  Smoke trailed from Goony’s mouth when he spoke, despite the fact that he wasn’t smoking.  “That alien told me you were gonna make a play for the city after he killed the Mayor.  Looks like he was right.”

Cobblestone shrugged and smiled.  “Well, you have to admit that I’d make a good Mayor.  The whole planet loves me!”

The shaggy dog stepped forward and whacked Cobblestone across the skull with his baseball bat.  Cobblestone collapsed to the floor, holding his head.  Quiet laughter leaked from his wound.

“The planet doesn’t matter,” said Goony.  “It’s under new management.  The only thing that matters now is toonblood, and that’s my department.  That’s why I’m gonna be the next Mayor.”  Goony nodded to the blue toon dog, who stepped forward and blasted Cobblestone in the face with a boxing glove from his shotgun.

Cobblestone’s head splattered against the wall, and laughing toonblood filled the air.  Goony brought out a small vacuum cleaner with a suction hose attached to it.  He pointed the hose at Cobblestone’s corpse and flipped a switch, sucking the toonblood out of the air and storing it in the vacuum.

Two little green men entered the office.  They were Imperial Supervisors, wearing glittery silver tunics.  One carried a clipboard and the other took the vacuum full of Cobblestone’s toonblood from Goony.

“Sir?” said the Supervisor with the clipboard.  The alien spoke to the cartoon with obvious disdain, but Goony didn’t care.  It was only business.  “By Imperial Code 2930557, you are hereby appointed to the position of Planetary Magister, Grade K, with acting seniority over your genetic brethren.  You will be given governance over the planet to maintain population control and meet Imperial quotas.  Do you accept this lucrative promotion?”

Goony smiled.  “Sure. Why not?”

The Supervisors did not understand the sarcasm, but offered Goony the contracts anyway.  He signed and stamped the forms, making him the new Mayor of the world.  He was now selling toonblood to the entire universe.

Goony could accept being a slave as long as he was a rich.  It was a reasonable trade off.


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