Spies Like We, vol. 5: Penfold Shush

No, not the rapper/producer. The REAL Danger Mouse, which is actually a cartoon. He’s the British rodent who’s way cooler than Mickey because he’s not a corporate shill, he speaks in a dignified accent, and he’s a freaking SPY. DM is a tenth the size of Declan Bruce, but can Ze State’s greatest spy outwit a secret agent so dangerous it’s in his very name?


BIOGRAPHY: More deadly than Basil of Baker Street and less gamey than Secret Squirrel, Danger Mouse is such a great secret agent that his codename has its own codename. While James Bond might save the human world time and time again, Danger Mouse diffuses the world’s rodent-sized threats, such as a criminal toad, a vampire duck (who got his own spinoff), and a wolf mad scientist. He takes his orders from a psycho chinchilla called Special K, and has his gadgets made by a German mole (who is a scientist mole, not an actual mole… and since he’s German, he’s a bit of a dick).


TACTICS: Danger Mouse’s foremost weapon against evildoers like Baron Greenback is his loyal assistant Penfold. If Sherlock Holmes’ sidekick was a cowardly, confused, clumsy hamster, he would be Penfold. He serves as a loyal friend to Danger Mouse despite often getting in the way or being completely oblivious to the nature of their mission. Besides Penfold, Danger Mouse is equipped with a flying car, a space pod, and mastery of the secret martial art of “kung moggy.” He is also equipped with an ability to constantly attract bombs no matter where he goes.


STYLE: In the grand tradition of anthropomorphic cartoon characters, Danger Mouse is mostly naked. He wears a white turtleneck with his logo on the chest as well as an eyepatch, one of the hallmarks of a great spy. He also practices yoga, which means he’s likely a fantastic lover. It is widely believed that Danger Mouse gets more rodent sex (both in quality and quantity) than Mickey Mouse, the Rescue Rangers, or Alvin and the Chipmunks put together. No one can resist the allure of a fuzzy cartoon mouse/spy, and this spy is an international television icon. What’s Declan Bruce have? A robotic suit, epic mustache, and a pocket in his pants specifically to house his genitalia.


COULD DECLAN BRUCE KICK HIS ARSE? Jesus, Danger Mouse is a bloody cartoon! He’s a tenth of his size, isn’t he? Of course Declan Bruce kicks his arse! Probably just stomps on him! A cartoon mouse defeating a fictional bizarro character… what sort of madness do you think this is?


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