Convention Report: Singing Dancing Dorks

Hello, blog. Evidence of my laziness abounds, because I’m just now catching you up on my convention activities almost two whole weeks after the fact. Yikes. But here I am, ready to regale you with tales of my adventures at MGACon. It was the second annual comic convention in my area, which is a pretty big deal for us. It was a sea of geeks and I was determined to make those bastards read.


The first person I met was a lady who had already read A Town Called Suckhole. Then I met some kids who said their dad had read all of my books. This was all pretty damn exciting. These folks had probably found my books thanks to the Golden Bough, my local independent bookstore. I’m still not used to meeting people who have already read my stuff. Then I met a nice lady wearing a cool Poison Elves shirt, and after realizing that we both knew what Poison Elves was, we did a hundred high-fives and she bought two of my books.

My booth was next to a guy who looks like Jackson Publick. I told him as much as he didn’t know what I was talking about. My sister showed up later and I asked her to tell him that he was handsome. She saved my ass there. She also got me a legend of Zelda shirt since I’m about to be a dad and we’re naming her Zelda. I also wound up getting a Frank Frazetta shirt and a True Detective shirt for my wife.


Then there were the kids. Tons of them. I saw one kid dressed as Starlord dance around in front of my booth to “Come and Get Your Love.” It’s weird how everyone, especially kids, knows about Guardians of the Galaxy now. And seventies pop music. Suddenly they’re all experts. Later I heard a kid talking to the booth on the other side of mine about superheroes and the artist there asked if he knew who Vision was. The kid didn’t, and I piped in and told the kid that he’ll know about him soon enough. Just gotta wait for the movie.

I had a weird moment where some kids dressed as Ninja Turtles approached me asking for me to sign their autograph books. One of them also wanted me to draw the Shredder for him, and in a giant room full of award-winning artists, I drew the least crappy Shredder I possibly could. My drawing skills have withered and almost died since I was that kid’s age, but whatever, here’s an autograph and a Shredder, kid. The whole moment kind of took me back to my childhood. I was at some amusement park where I got a guy dressed as Leonardo to give me an autograph. Later that day my sister drew all over the autograph and pissed me off forever.


Speaking of kids, almost every kid I saw wanted my California Raisins. Some backstory: I was gifted a ton of California Raisins from my grandmother and I gathered up the extras/duplicates to give as a bonus for buying a book. But sometimes a kid would walk by and reach out to try and steal one, and their parent would pull them away. If the parent didn’t pull them away, it only gave me an opportunity to bribe them into buying a book just to give their kid that skateboarding California Raisin they desperately wanted. It usually worked.

I also had lots of comic cards to give away with every purchase. And hardly anyone wanted them. I only gave away a few 1994 Marvel Universe cards, starting with the Drax and Gamora cards that I dug up from my collection. Of course everyone wanted those. They’re probably worth money now, seeing them both in their old stripper outfits. Then I had Dinosaurs Attack cards and NO ONE wanted those, which is fucking crazy to me. Those cards are awesome. After talking to one guy for a while, I practically forced him to take one, promising him that they would make him cool and get him laid. Thanks to that card he’s probably swimming in poontang as we speak.


Then the coolest thing of the con happened. A chick on roller skates dressed like Rainbow Dash sped up to my table. She demanded that I sell her two books and draw the above picture in one of them. She said it was from a dream she had. That lady’s crazy, but super nice, and so were her friends Blake and Bo. They were some of the nicest people EVER and it was awesome hanging out with them. I love meeting nice nerds who don’t try to lord their nerdiness over you but instead bask in the enjoyment of loving dorky stuff, which is what it’s supposed to be about anyway. Later on I had a tall skinny Stormtrooper walk by my table and shake hands with me and it turned out that it was Bo again, dressed as a Stormtrooper because that’s how he rolls. Super nice fella.

And that was pretty much it. The con was a success because I sold almost all of my books. Three of those sales were to a group of guys who interviewed me for their YouTube channel (it’s called Torchbearer TV, and hopefully it’ll be up soon). I like selling books and promoting bizarro to the unsuspecting masses. Hell, I even enjoy infecting today’s youth with my vulgar literature. But most of all I enjoy hanging out with nice people who aren’t douchebags. It seems like I only get to do that at conventions, so I guess I need to make it out to more of them. World Horror Con is in Atlanta in just a few months…..


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